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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736952">i could just eat you up</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseDeVents/pseuds/RoseDeVents'>RoseDeVents</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dark &amp; depraved [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Imprisonment, Kidnapping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:08:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseDeVents/pseuds/RoseDeVents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jemma settles into the Playground, she finds out she’s pregnant. There can only be one father and unfortunately, she’s just found out he’s a monster.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jemma Simmons/Grant Ward</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>dark &amp; depraved [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. John</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This series of unconnected stories comes from the darkest corners of my mind. Some are dark, some are depraved and some are both. I hope the dark parts of you enjoy these stories as much as I enjoyed writing them … and getting them out of my head. Mind the story tags!</p><p> </p><p>This one was inspired by “you hold me without touch (you keep me without chains” by starfishdancer, https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259431</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When it was just one, she could have done it. It didn’t seem possible at the time, but she could have tried harder to escape.</p><p>With two, it would have been difficult. Nobody was guarding her at that point, she could have just walked out the door. But she still didn’t leave.</p><p>Now with three, it would be impossible.</p><p>Jemma surveys the beach from her Adirondack chair. This private island looks like a paradise but she knows it’s another kind of prison. She contemplates walking into the water and letting herself be taken by the waves. But she’d never leave her children.</p><p>John, who has been cataloguing the wildlife they come across on the island – a hopeful sign that he could be his mother’s son. Charlotte, who is finally starting to say more than mama and dada. And the little one growing so quickly inside of her, only two months away from entering this dangerous world.  </p><p>No, she couldn’t leave them. It’d have to be the other thing.</p><p>“Mrs. Ward,” her bodyguard tells her. “Mr. Ward will be arriving soon.”</p><p>“All right, thank you,” she says, standing and smoothing the wrinkles on her long dress. It’s time now.   </p><p>She thinks back to the days when things were simpler, on the Bus. Before life got complicated. She and Fitz were so eager to be out in the field. Well, at least she was – he was more along for the ride. Then she contracted an alien virus and had to jump out of a plane. Grant saved her in the nick of time. They got closer after that.</p><p>Soon it was longing glances across the cargo bay. Fingers lingering a little too long on open skin in the medpod. He took her to bed and she pinched herself that her life was real. But he kept her at a distance. He made comments about keeping things casual. She was disappointed, but she didn’t want to complain about the regular sexual activity. It keeps the mind sharp, after all.</p><p>“Goddamn, you’re gorgeous,” he groaned one night in a hotel room, taking her in with hungry eyes. “I could just eat you up.”</p><p>“Why don’t you then?” she giggled.</p><p>When Skye got shot, she saw the way he looked at their mutual friend. She did the right thing and broke it off, even encouraging him to follow his heart. When he eventually kidnapped Skye and revealed his true colors, she blamed herself. When he so carelessly dropped her and Fitz into the bottom of the ocean, her heart broke in two.</p><p>She didn’t realize she was pregnant until they were well settled into the Playground. Cruel irony that a biologist could miss the signs. But they’d been under such immense stress lately, she figured a missed period or two was understandable. Had it really been four?</p><p>She wanted to tell someone but didn’t know how. Grant’s obsession with Skye nauseated her. Or maybe it was the fetus doing that. She thought maybe she could confront him about it – that maybe knowing about his child would incentivize his cooperation. But she didn’t get a chance to bring it up.  </p><p>“I wasn’t trying to kill you,” he pleaded in Vault D. “Garrett was going to shoot you in the head, I gave you a fighting chance. And look – you survived! Just like I knew you would.”</p><p>“A part of me wants to believe you,” she said, before pressing the button that made the barrier go from opaque to black.</p><p>After his second suicide attempt, she finally went to an OB-GYN. With her sonogram in hand, she told Coulson. He didn’t ask many questions and she didn’t fill in the blanks. She told him she was going to go stay with her parents and likely wouldn’t return to her dangerous life as a SHIELD agent.</p><p>“Take care, Jemma,” Coulson said, pulling her into a hug. “There will always be a spot for you in the lab if you want it.”</p><p>She left the next day. She considered telling Fitz the whole truth, but she couldn’t find the words. And he didn’t want to hear it anyway; she’d only been making him worse since his trauma. A secret baby with another man – a man who had tried to kill them – would ruin their friendship for good.</p><p>She went to Sheffield where she was surrounded by the love of her family. She decided to take time off before the baby was born and not rush into getting a new job. Her mum helped her turn the guest room into a nursery. She was so very happy. Her parents were there when she gave birth and she named her son after her beloved grandfather, Richard.</p><p>She found out Grant escaped when she found him in their son’s nursery. </p><p>She woke up later in a penthouse suite locked from the outside. He explained it was for her own protection. He said it was her fault he had to rejoin HYDRA, because that was the only way he could protect her and the baby; he had too many enemies that would hurt his son to get to him. She refused to work for the evil organization and he said she should be focusing her attention on their son anyway.</p><p>“I named him Richard after my grandfather,” she explained. “He went by Dick but we could call him Richie or Ricky or Rick –”</p><p>“No son of mine is going by <em>Dick</em>,” he spat venomously. “It should be John or Garrett. Pick one.”</p><p>She looked at him, confused. “I already have … his name is Richard.”</p><p>“Jemma, you kept our son from his father. You kept my son away from me. A thing like a name should be decided together.”</p><p>She scoffed. “Well I’m not naming him after – ”</p><p>“<em>Pick one</em>,” Ward said in a tone that indicated he was losing patience with her. She didn’t know what would happen if he did.</p><p>They settled on John Richard and Jemma compromised that they could call him J.R. But no one but Jemma called him that. Grant corrected the few people they came into contact with that his name was John after John Garrett. Eventually Jemma did the same.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Charlotte</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jemma was so lonely at the HYDRA base at first. She still wasn’t allowed to leave the penthouse so her son became her whole world. Her life was on repeat with breastfeeding anyway: wake up, feed John, feed herself, sleep, feed John, sleep, feed John, feed herself, sleep.</p><p>When Grant came to see her in between missions, he’d only talk about the baby. He was cold to her otherwise, and shut down immediately if she started asking questions.</p><p>“Can I take John outside? Just for a walk, just for a few minutes?”</p><p>“It’s too dangerous.”</p><p>“You can’t keep us locked up here forever.”</p><p>“Can’t I?”</p><p>When John crawled for the first time, she was so excited that she accidentally hugged Grant. It was the first time she’d been touched in months. It somehow closed the chasm between them. He insisted they should at least try to make a go of it, for John’s sake. By the time John was walking, she had let Grant into her bed. She hated herself for it, but she told herself it was for John.</p><p>“Goddamn, you’re gorgeous. I could just eat you up.”</p><p>“Stop talking and do it already then,” she murmured, with a bit of an eye roll.</p><p>The sex was different with the real Grant Ward. They fell into a routine of it. Sometimes, it was a little rough and he wouldn’t look at her afterward. It felt good – sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes mind-blowing – as long as she reminded herself that it was the father of her son being rough with her, not the man she saw if she looked too deeply into his dark eyes. A man who was very clearly on the verge of spanking her a little too hard or choking her for a little too long. A man who was restraining himself. For her.</p><p>He sometimes took them on afternoon walks. Or took them to a small playground on the outskirts of the city. She learned to love this Grant. He became so much more tangible than that flawless version of him she met on the Bus.</p><p>Her stomach still lurched when he came home with specks of blood on his face, but she let herself get distracted by the fact this Grant gave his smiles freely to her. Along with his scowls. When he finally brought her some scientific research to review, it was only natural for her to make some recommendations.</p><p>One night, he took her out to dinner. The whole restaurant was blocked off for them. She wondered how she would have felt in a room full of people anyway. It’d been so long since she’d talked to anyone besides Grant or their bodyguards.</p><p>He asked her to marry him and she said yes with happy tears falling down her face. It was a small wedding and she didn’t know many of the people but she’d never seen Grant smile so much and John looked adorable in his little ringbearer suit.</p><p>When she found out she was pregnant again, they were both ecstatic. This time, Grant was with her during the pregnancy and he got to savor the anticipation and the small moments.</p><p>“I only wish I’d had this for John, too,” he murmured in her ear the night the baby first kicked. “I wish you hadn’t tried to keep him from me.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she said with true remorse.</p><p>He held her hand in the delivery room and they had a baby girl they named Charlotte.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Jemma</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jemma hadn’t seen Grant in weeks, and she didn’t know why. He called frequently to have her guards move her to another safe house. She wasn’t allowed to go outside again, but luckily the kids were too young to notice. Charlotte was still nursing anyway.</p><p>One day while the kids were both napping and she was folding the laundry, two gunmen broke down the front door and took out her guard. She screamed before she recognized their faces. </p><p>“Fitz? Skye?”</p><p>They hugged her simultaneously and she had to stop herself from hysterically crying because they were insisting that she needed to leave with them. She told them she couldn’t leave without her children and she’ll never forget the looks on their faces.</p><p>“Children?” Fitz asked the question so sadly. But not as sad as the face he made when he saw the wedding band on her left hand.</p><p>She told them she didn’t need rescuing, that Grant protects her. That she was OK. That they needed to leave without her before they got themselves killed.</p><p>Skye argued with Jemma that she <em>did</em> need protection – <em>from</em> Grant. She told Jemma the things he’d done to “protect” his family, including kidnapping and torturing May. Jemma was horrified and she had to shout over Skye to get her to stop talking.</p><p>Fitz said they knew what he’d been doing to her, that he’d been taunting them with pictures over the past three years. Jemma was so very embarrassed to admit to them that he likes to get a little rough in the bedroom. Skye lifted her sleeve to expose faded bruises and told her that’s not a little fun in the bedroom, it’s abuse.</p><p>They thought she was brainwashed and she told them if they didn’t leave, she would scream. Gunshots rang out nearby and they finally left her.</p><p>It felt like a nightmare. No, not a nightmare. A dream.</p><p>She was taken to the private island next. Grant was waiting for her there and once the kids were settled and asleep, they made love all night. The next day she told him what Fitz and Skye said – before he could confront her about it first.</p><p>“I thought you knew by now who you married,” he said, eyes cold. “I thought you loved me for who I am.”</p><p>“I do! That’s why I told them to leave!”</p><p>He’s so good at twisting her words and turning things around on her. It wasn’t long before she was pleading with him to forgive her for accusing him of anything. To forgive <em>her</em> that someone would try to take her away from him.</p><p>She told him how grateful she was that he kept her safe all this time, kept their children safe. That night in their bedroom, he punished her for almost being … rescued. She didn’t dare say the word aloud and felt guilty for even thinking it.</p><p>“Goddamn, you’re gorgeous, I could just eat you up.”</p><p>Bound, gagged and blind-folded, she couldn’t even respond.</p><p>He left the island for a few weeks and she realized she was pregnant again. She didn’t know if it was from the romantic night or the punishing one. The months flew by and she settled into a routine with the kids: a morning walk around the island before naptime; playing on the beach in the afternoon.</p><p>Her husband was rarely there but when he was, he tried his hardest to make up for his absence. John and Charlotte adored him, sometimes falling asleep crying when she had to tell them it was another night their father couldn’t read them a bedtime story.</p><p>Grant told her he was going to take care of SHIELD once and for all so she’d finally be safe. He mentioned seeing the old team and seeing Skye’s superpowers in full force. But he said he had a plan to counteract Skye.</p><p>He promised that once SHIELD was gone, he’d bring her and the kids to a new estate he’d acquired in New England. He’d be with them full-time again and run his base of operations there as well.</p><p>But she knows what would really make them safe.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Grant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading this dark tale!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello, darling,” she says, greeting him at the door. “How are you?” She rubs the bump on her stomach absent mindedly and puckers her lips for a peck.</p><p>He puts his hand over hers and instead of something chaste, kisses her hard. He thrusts his tongue unexpectedly into her mouth and before she can react, he’s pulling back.</p><p>“Starving,” he says with a grin.</p><p>“Wonderful,” she says breathily, returning his smile. “I had the chef make your favorite.”</p><p>He sits down with his rib-eye and she eyes him as he picks up the salt shaker.</p><p>“What?” he asks.</p><p>“One of these days that stuff is going to kill you,” she says with a nervous smile.</p><p>“That’s funny, because my doctor says I’m ‘annoyingly fit.’” He smiles back at her and dumps the salt all over his food, as if to spite her.</p><p>“Well I’m not a medical doctor,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You should know that by now.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, biochem, whatever,” he says, cutting into his steak.</p><p>She waits as he takes a bite and chews. “How did it go this time?” she asks tentatively.</p><p>“You mean have I killed them yet?” he replies shortly. His eyes shoot her a warning.</p><p>“That’s not what I asked.”</p><p>“Look, honey,” he sighs. “I know you have a kind and forgiving heart. That’s part of why I love you so much. But you know I’m not like that.”</p><p>She nods, looking down at her plate.</p><p>“They tried to take you from me and I’m never going to let it go. I’m just not.”</p><p>She nods again, picking at her chicken. Her voice cracks, but she has to ask. “Will you tell me? When it happens?”</p><p>The silverware clatters as the table shakes, Grant’s fist striking it hard. “Are you <em>trying</em> to piss me off?” he threatens. His mood is changing on a dime and she thinks of the words that will calm it.</p><p>“Only if it pleases you,” she covers.</p><p>He considers her question for a moment, taking another bite of his steak. He chews thoughtfully and swallows.</p><p>“Yes,” he says finally. “I’ll tell you.”</p><p>She watches him carefully as he takes another bite. She forces herself to eat her chicken even though she’s wracked with nerves.</p><p>When he’s about to take another, she sees his face contort in confusion. He starts to cough, holding his hands to his throat. She looks at him as though she’s surprised. It might not work, so she can’t show her hand too soon.</p><p>“Grant, are you all right?”</p><p>He can’t speak; he can’t breathe. His throat is tightening. His face is turning red. He points toward the door for her to go get someone.</p><p>“I told them not to disturb us,” she admits with a sad smile.</p><p>His eyes practically pop out of their sockets. He goes to stand, but he falls to his knees.</p><p>She casually pushes her chair back so she can stand over him. His hands claw at her, and she smiles down at him.</p><p>“Goddamn you’re gorgeous,” she says almost mockingly, making no move to help him. “I could just eat you up.”</p><p>He tries to yell at her. He tries to stand up. He tries to cling to his life.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, darling. I wish it didn’t have to be this way,” she says without a hint of remorse.</p><p>After three minutes without oxygen, he passes out. She waits until the life has drained out of him before she goes to find someone, trying to play off her happy tears as sad ones. It’s a fitting way for him to go after what he did to Fitz. She’s never really forgiven him for that, but after this many years it’s been one on a long list of unforgiveable sins.</p><p>She’ll never tell John that he’s the one who found the poisonous plant on the island. She was the one who broke it down into a compound that could look like common table salt. She almost feels bad when they blame the chef, but she doesn’t give it a second thought once she’s safely off the island.</p><p>Back home in Sheffield, her parents help her ease back into a normal life. John and Charlotte go to school. Baby Richie starts sleeping through the night before long. She can finally breathe again.  </p><p>With three kids, it would have been impossible to leave him. She did what she had to do.  </p>
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